A different ordinary: the start of something extraordinary?

This year, we planned to interview twelve people, one each month, about ordinary things of extraordinary meaning. We imagined the Ordinary Interviews as a collection of essays; each a humble revelation on happiness and its peculiar habitats. And then a pandemic came along and nothing is ordinary anymore.

Or is it? Six weeks ago my ordinary day went something like this: early morning training session with friends; drive to Lemon Street (or, as close as possible); face-to-face meetings; lunch from a local deli or at the practice with colleagues; more meetings; drive home; relax.

Now it’s more like this: go downstairs; meet people via a screen; get some exercise near my home; lunch with my wife; meet some more people via a screen; relax; go upstairs again.

Does online therapy work?

Or, to put it another way, can people connect deeply online?

In person-centred counselling, we talk a lot about relational depth: that deep feeling of connectedness we sometimes feel during therapeutic conversations. The research suggests that when we feel deeply understood and accepted, we are more able to find peace from our anxieties; more able to accept ourselves and others; and more able to heal and grow.

It is usual for me to be very connected with others, both in and out of therapy sessions. So, as the implications of the coronavirus pandemic became clearer, I wondered how our therapeutic and personal connections would be affected, and if they could survive.

Six weeks on and to my astonishment, I feel the same connection now as before the lockdown. Through the wonders of technology, life goes on, work goes on and healing goes on.

I’m speaking to my family more. In my therapeutic conversations, I’m finding that people experience relational depth as frequently and as powerfully as before. In this new ordinary, where we’re confined to our homes, I’m more connected. So, yes: in my experience, deep human connections are possible online, and therapy works.

What do you want ordinary to be like?

In many ways, my life is more ordinary now, under lockdown; which when I reflect on it isn't really so extraordinary.

Before March, when was the last time you baked bread?
Or had a proper conversation with your neighbours?
Or said hello to strangers in the street?
Or noticed each individual bird and flower outside your door and knew them by name?

When was the last time you were aware of your own compassion?

When this process comes to an end, there will be a chance to shape our new ordinary; a chance to be autonomous and reflect on which of the gifts we’ve been given by lockdown we want to take with us into the post-pandemic world.

Is there enough compassion for everyone?

In January I shared this quote from David Attenborough:

“It is extraordinary that a large proportion of us never see a wild creature from dawn 'til dusk.”

Now our lives have slowed down, more of us are seeing, and cherishing wild things. Many of us are grateful that in this new ordinary we have ‘time to stop and stare’. So I share this from Greta Thunberg:

“There is a lot of talk about returning to ‘normal’ after the COVID-19 outbreak. But normal was a crisis.”

As ‘ordinary’ resumes, we’ll need to nurture every drop of our compassion if it’s to encompass everyone. As Attenborough now notes, it isn’t the planet that’s under threat, the planet will recover from humanity in no time at all. It’s humanity that’s under threat, from itself.

Old ordinary, new ordinary, extraordinary

It’ll take a great deal of forgiveness and big-heartedness to find the compassion required to make the best big and small choices for humanity, but with so much more kindness and gratitude around these days, that needn’t be an obstacle. I’m hopeful that our reconnection with the ordinary things: cooking and cleaning, talking and walking, growing and nurturing, will be the key to us achieving something extraordinary together.

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If you would like to speak to one of our counsellors about anything troubling you at this time, please don’t hesitate to get in touch: info@lifetimetherapy.co.uk.

Or, for the priceless support of a compassionate community, join us here.

Best wishes

Malachy